Every two hours, a new prayer meeting starts here at the Global Prayer Room at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, alternating between intercession and Worship with the Word (essentially a"Bible study with music.")
Not today.
After the kind of morning I've had, this is just what I need.
So I sit down and study the passage-Psalm 11: "I have taken refuge in the Lord, How can you say to me, 'Escape to the mountain like a bird!'" Just this morning, I was that bird.
Yet the truth of the reality of God, however minuscule my knowledge of it may be, had somehow preserved me through my rebellious thoughts. That's the mark of a gracious Savior.
I found myself praying despite the rebelliousness of my black soul. Despite how I felt. I was crying out of desperation, declaring through all my internal struggling and trying to run from God, "Lord, to whom will I go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. I've already committed myself, confident that you are the Holy One of God." (The Message, John 6 paraphrased).
It was my own "gut check," a litmus test to see if I'm in this for the long haul. What I'm made of.
I know I passed the test. Saying Yes to God in our weakness does not always produce tangible benefits. For a second, I believed the lies of the enemy. The next second, the truth of God came down like a hammer on that lie.
Small victory #1. Thanks, Papa!
I headed off to class-Spiritual identity.
Funny how the teacher (well, God) has your number when you least want Him to.
(There's Pride again. Rearing its ugly head on the battlefield of the mind.)
Jesus went through an identity crisis. He was baptized, the Spirit of God descended like a dove, then He was off to His Wilderness for forty days. It was here that His identity was tested.
And my identity and your identity are constantly being threatened and attacked. Let's take a brief look at the parable of the sower in Mark 4:
Seed #1 of Truth is sown into my heart. Immediately the enemy takes it away-I'm a hearer but not a doer (Js. 1:22).
Seed #2 of Truth is sown into my heart. Great news! but no growth; persecution and hardship kill off the growth. (v. 16)
Seed #3 of Truth is sown into my heart. Distractions and worries come, commitment falters, unfruitful testimony. (v.19)
Within my mind and heart, all three seeds are continually being sown. I contend for the Lord to tenderize the garden of my heart to be like Seed #4.
But how?
He talks about the next verse: Second Corinthians 10:3-5:
"[...][A]lthough we are walking in the flesh, we do not wage war in a fleshly way, since the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing that is raised up against the knowledge of God, taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (HCSB)."
Cool. So far, God's reading my mail (you'd think this wouldn't be a surprise by now). Respond for ministry time. Check.
Small victory #2. (Thanks, Abba!)
And so all these truths are coming to mind as I read Psalm 11 several hours later. Reminders to abide, contend, and most of all, declare my dependence on the Great Gardener to prune my branches so that I can produce more fruit. Such glorious pain.
Worth it all. I'm all in.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me."
-Jesus, John 15:5
